Brothers Love and a Family Photographer Thoughts on Her Only Kid
I see brothers with connections like these little guys and I can only lament at times. I see what my son will never have. I did a Newborn Session yesterday and this little guy was surrounded by the little fingers of his two older siblings. They loved him at first sight.
I am only having one child; logically, it makes so much sense to me. Emotionally it makes total sense for me. However, when I see my son love so hard and care for so many things, I think someone is really missing out on being loved by a great person, my son.
I think about this almost every single day. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel inadequate about only wanting one. Like the lady on the block with 12 cats who never married, I am her in a different sense. She probably WANTED to get married but never met the right guy. I don’t even WANT another child. When people ask when I’m having another and I tell them I am not, I get a look of sympathy like there is a fertility issue in play, because OF COURSE I would want another.
I can’t help but wonder what is missing in me that makes me not want another.
I blame so many external issues: cost of raising a kid, putting them through private school, my love for work, inability to travel regularly, time, my relationship (or lack thereof) with my sibling… but no matter the reasons, the fact remains that I don’t want it. That is until I see brothers like this and suddenly I want another child for my son. I want it so badly for him.
A family member once called me selfish for not having another child and perhaps that is what it comes down to. I know this is what is best for me. But I also know it is not what may be best for him. I mourn this loss for him while I celebrate all of the times we have together, and the life I’ll be able to give him.