Thoughts of a Family Photographer
I got lost.
Have you ever arrived at your destination and wondered how you got there? How could you have possibly driven that distance without remembering a second of it? I don’t remember how or when I got lost; I just know that I did.
The Wife & Mother
I don’t think I’m alone. I have a feeling it happens to a lot of moms, and even dads. I think it started when I got married. My crazy expectations of what a married person looked like and what an ideal wife acted like were not based in reality. Surely, a good wife would just focus on her husband. Then I became a mom and well, that is probably where I lost the rest of me.
A good mom never puts her needs before her child’s. She works around the clock to make sure her child is well cared for and feels loved, and no one can do it better than her. (They serve healthy portions of crow in my house.)
The Family Photographer
Then there is the role I play as a business owner. I have to always be hustling. No days off. If I am not a wife or a mother, I am a serious business owner.
I went out with a girlfriend of mine the other day and forgot who I was working so hard to be. I simply existed for a whole night. I laughed, and it was easy. I smiled and told stories. I listened and played. I loved every second of it. I left the restaurant and thought, “I remember that girl!” She is sassy, fierce and confident. She walks boldly into rooms without questioning the future. She is happy. Different. She has hobbies and a life. Where did she go?
I had no idea I could be this person and still be a mom, wife, and business owner. It sounds so silly, so lame when I say it out loud. I thought in order to be a mom, wife, and family photographer that I had to leave me behind. It’s as if somewhere inside I thought I wasn’t good enough to be all these things and still be me.
Only this week-I can’t believe I am admitting this- I realized who I was before becoming a wife, mom, and business owner has made me great at being who I am now. They are one in the same.
Lately, I have noticed there are breadcrumbs on the floor. These little crumbs are pieces of me. Starting right now, I’m beginning the journey of piecing together the person I was, and the person I’ve become so I can get to know the me I am today.